How to Practice Self-Validation (Instead of Always Seeking Approval)

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Most of us grow up learning to seek approval — from parents, teachers, friends, bosses. Over time, we start looking outward for permission to feel proud, confident, worthy, or “enough.”

But here’s the truth: no amount of praise can replace the power of self-validation.

Self-validation is the practice of affirming your own feelings, experiences, and worth — without needing others to agree, understand, or applaud. And when you learn to validate yourself, you stop relying on external approval to feel whole.

In this article, we’ll explore what self-validation is, why it matters, and how to practice it — daily.

What Is Self-Validation?

Self-validation means saying to yourself:

  • “What I feel makes sense.”
  • “My experience is real.”
  • “I can trust my inner world, even if others don’t understand it.”

It’s not about ego. It’s about self-trust.

When you validate yourself, you don’t need permission to feel what you feel — or to believe in your own worth.

Why Seeking Approval Keeps You Stuck

When you depend on outside validation, you might:

  • Feel anxious when others don’t respond the way you hoped
  • Change who you are to fit in or be liked
  • Avoid sharing your ideas unless they’re “safe”
  • Lose touch with your inner voice

The more you chase approval, the more disconnected you become from yourself.

1. Start With This Daily Reminder

Say this to yourself every morning:

“I don’t need permission to be proud of myself.”

Let it sink in. You’re allowed to feel good about your growth, your feelings, your boundaries — even if no one claps for it.

2. Name Your Feelings Without Needing to Justify Them

Validation begins when you acknowledge your emotions as valid — without editing or minimizing.

Practice:

  • “I feel anxious right now — and that’s okay.”
  • “I’m proud of myself, even if no one else notices.”
  • “I’m disappointed, and I get to feel that.”

Your emotions don’t need to be proven. They deserve to be witnessed.

3. Notice When You’re Performing for Approval

Self-awareness is key.

Ask yourself:

  • “Am I doing this because it feels true — or because I want to be liked?”
  • “Would I still make this choice if no one saw or praised it?”
  • “What do I actually think and feel?”

Get curious about when you start shapeshifting — and gently return to your truth.

4. Create a “Validation Vocabulary” for Yourself

Instead of waiting for others to affirm you, speak to yourself like a friend.

Try:

  • “That was really brave of me.”
  • “I handled that with so much grace.”
  • “I’m proud of how I showed up today.”
  • “It’s okay to rest — I’ve done enough.”

Give yourself the words you’ve been waiting to hear.

5. Keep a Self-Validation Journal

Each day, write:

  • One thing I’m proud of
  • One emotion I’m feeling, and why it makes sense
  • One choice I made that reflects my values

Over time, this builds evidence of your inner authority.

6. Learn to Sit With Disapproval — and Still Feel Solid

Not everyone will understand your choices — and that’s okay.

Practice:

  • Taking a deep breath when someone disagrees
  • Repeating: “I know who I am.”
  • Trusting your values over their opinions

Being misunderstood isn’t failure. It’s freedom.

7. Reconnect With Your Younger Self

Sometimes, the part of you that needs validation is the part that didn’t get it growing up.

Try this:

  • Look at a photo of your younger self
  • Say: “You deserved to be seen, supported, and celebrated.”
  • Give that version of you the love they didn’t receive — and watch your confidence rise

Healing is part of validation too.

You Are Already Valid

You don’t need to earn your worth. You don’t need to be perfect to be proud. And you don’t need a crowd to clap before you recognize your progress.

You are allowed to:

  • Approve of yourself
  • Celebrate yourself
  • Trust yourself

So today, look inward and say: “I see you. I hear you. And you matter.”

Because when you validate yourself, you stop shrinking — and start standing tall.

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