How to Stop Chasing Approval and Start Living Freely

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From a young age, many of us are taught to seek approval:

  • From parents: “Be a good boy/girl.”
  • From teachers: “Do it the right way.”
  • From society: “Look successful. Be likable. Fit in.”

So we become masters of performance — checking boxes, people-pleasing, and twisting ourselves into shapes we were never meant to hold.

But here’s the truth: approval doesn’t equal peace.
And no amount of external validation can replace the feeling of living in alignment with your true self.

This article will help you stop chasing acceptance — and start choosing freedom.

Why We Chase Approval

It often comes from:

  • A fear of rejection
  • A desire to feel worthy or loved
  • Conditioning that taught us to link love with performance
  • Past experiences of being punished for being different

But the need for approval is a learned behavior — and it can be unlearned.

1. Notice Where You’re Performing Instead of Being

Ask yourself:

  • “Where in my life do I feel like I’m acting?”
  • “Who am I trying to impress — and why?”
  • “What would I choose differently if I didn’t need anyone’s validation?”

Authenticity begins when performance ends.

2. Realize That You’ll Never Be Enough for Everyone

You can:

  • Be kind — and someone will call you fake
  • Be confident — and someone will call you arrogant
  • Be soft — and someone will call you weak

So if you’re going to be judged anyway…
Let it be for who you really are.

3. Ask: “Do I Approve of Myself?”

Instead of asking:

  • “Do they like this?”
  • “Will they accept me?”
  • “What will they think?”

Ask:

  • “Does this feel true for me?”
  • “Can I live with this choice?”
  • “Would I respect myself if I said yes to this?”

Your approval is the one that truly counts.

4. Unlink Your Worth From What You Do

You are not:

  • Your productivity
  • Your follower count
  • Your career title
  • How agreeable you are

You are worthy because you exist — not because you perform.

Repeat it until it feels true.

5. Let Go of the Fear of Disappointing Others

Yes — you might disappoint someone by choosing yourself.
But the greater loss is disappointing yourself just to keep others comfortable.

Say to yourself:

  • “Disappointment is temporary. Betraying myself lasts longer.”
  • “I’d rather be honest than agreeable.”
  • “I can still love people — and not live for their approval.”

Freedom begins where people-pleasing ends.

6. Practice Freedom Daily — in Small Ways

Freedom doesn’t require a big declaration. Start here:

  • Wear something because you like it
  • Post something that feels real — not curated
  • Say no without explaining
  • Sit in silence instead of filling space

Each small act of truth adds up.

You Weren’t Born to Be Liked — You Were Born to Be Free

So today:

  • Notice where you’re shrinking
  • Speak your truth, even softly
  • And remind yourself:
    “I don’t need their approval to be myself. I already belong — to me.”

Because the version of you that’s honest, real, and free?
That’s the one worth showing up for.

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